A Coming Of Age

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable; it keeps no record of wrongs; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.

For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part, but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.

Brothers and sisters, do not be children in your thinking; rather, be infants in evil, but in thinking be adults.
Scripture Reading
1 Corinthians 13:4-11, 14-20 (NRSV)

What is a coming of age? What does it mean when we say coming of age? What does it mean to say adulting na tayo? Sa mga gragraduate ng college we say, “welcome to adulting life?” Sa mga tulad ko naman na mag-forty na, life starts at 40? What does this all mean? What are the implications of this? How is adulting or coming of age a real thing in your lives? In each of our lives?

It is a transition from one phase or chapter of life to the next. We come to a point, whether by choise or circumstance or both, that we have to change our way of thinking, doing, and way of living, and if I may add in the spiritual sense, also a different way of believing, worshipping, and praying. The Apostle Paul also had something to say about adulting not only in a spiritual sense but also practically both individually and as community. Paul distinguishes about being a child in a particular context with being an adult in the spiritual and communal life. But before we go there let us also look at our own context and understanding of what do we mean by being childish or immature?

I checked 3 articles about signs of immaturity. Articles from Care Counseling, Psychology Today, and healthline. I wanted to see what common elements from 3 different articles on what they say as signs or elements of immaturity or being childish:

Does not consider or consider very little other people as to how their words or actions will impact others.
Therefore, they seldom if at all, take responsibility for their actions, words, and decisions.
Almost everything is about them and their need for attention or validation and personal satisfaction.
Therefore, there is also an element of impulsiveness or emotional reactivity. They say and do things out of impulse without much self-reflection. Sa counseling care, it was called “poor impulse control.”
Undeveloped emotional communication skills.

Are these things bad generally bad? Not necessarily kasi lahat tayo ay dumaan at dumadaan dyan. Kelan sya nagiging masama? When in the face of truth and correction, whether by a person, group of persons, or by a learning situation, we still choose not to listen and do something to grow. Immaturity might be a natural phase of human development, however staying that way, is a choice. Even if certain immaturities are caused by trauma, the question is always, what are you going to do about it? Will you acknowledge the trauma and that your behaviors and attitudes are caused by trauma? If you stay long enough in MCC, you will recognize immaturity and trauma-informed personalities and praise Jesus that we are a space were wounded people come and feel that this is a safe space for them. HOWEVER, if you stay long enough in MCC, we are also clear here that trauma, mental health conditions, and immaturity is not an excuse to harm others or make this space unsafe. For as much as this is a safe space for you, this is also safe space for others. Although hindi rin naman tayo RIGID dyan and we should learn to practice not just any grace but RADICAL GRACE for each other’s conditions and situations while making sure that we do not justify harmful or toxic attitudes here.

The reality is and this has also been our experience for the majority of the 18 years of Open Table MCC, is that offen times some people grow up but do not adult-up. Tama ba? That elements of immaturity are carried over up until 30 years old, 40 years old, 50 years old or that immaturity re-emerges when the person reaches 40, 50, or 60. Yung bang pag tumatanda na, nawawalan ng considerasyon sa iba, mainitin ang ulo, and bumabalik sa pagiging impulsive and because matanda na, thinks he, she or them, can get away with it with an excuse of “I don’t give an F.” From immaturity, to maturity, to immaturity again.

One can say that a bit of the same were happening in some of the Christian churches during the time of Paul and one such problematic and immature church was the church of Corinth. Paul calls the Corinthians as childish and immature, first in a subtle way in Chapter 13 verse 11:

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.

And then he directly calls them to stop being “children” in their thinking and by extent in their doing and living in Chapter 14 verse 20:

Brothers and sisters, do not be children in your thinking; rather, be infants in evil, but in thinking be adults.

Bakit ganito ang chika ni Paul? Why is Paul calling them children or childish and immature? What was happening in the church of Corinth? What were the issues that was brought to his attention that prompted him to write a LONG letter of admonition to the Corinthian church?

A young man took the wife of his father. Meaning, his stepmother, he took for himself. Paul strongly condemned this even to say that such an action is not even practiced among other people. And Paul is not only saying that is sexually immoral to take your stepmother to be your jowa, he is also saying, hindi mo man lang consider ang impact nito sayo, sa tatay mo, sa stepmother mo, and sa church community natin. Ano ang element of immaturity dito? Lack of impulse control and not being considerate to others kung may negative impact ba ito sa iba. Here you will understand to some degree some of our safe space and community guidelines. If you think that that is love and that love is something like, “us against the world” or “our love will prove you all wrong.” Then you are mistaken as per the Apostle Paul. Because love is patient and kind, and therefore considerate of others. It is not impulsive and not selfish or self-seeking in other translations.

What else was happening in the Corinthian church? Nagkakaroon ng favoritism in terms of sino ang unang kakaen at sino ang nasa places of honor. An issue was raised that during the “Lord’s supper” some of the wealthier and more influential members of the church do not wait for others, especially the poorer members, and they begin eating in the Lord’s table. They are given preferential treatment and Paul found this to be problematic because in Paul’s view of the Christian life, we are all equal before the Lord’s Table. Radical community nga ang practice ng first, second and 3rd generation Christians as mentioned in Acts 2 and Acts 4. So again, walang consideration sa iba. Mga sarili lang ang iniisip because I give more to the church. I do more for the church. So I get to say where to sit, when to start, and what I get in the distribution. Arrogance and self-serving. And Paul calls this out as childish and immature. Because a mature person, not even a Christian, considers and includes everyone.

The other thing that was happening in the church of Corinth was the preferential treatment and hierarchy is beginning to be about who has certain spiritual gifts with a particular preference for those who can speak in tongues and those who can prophesy. Mas maganda ako sayo or mas blessed ako ni Lord kasi I can speak in tongues. Mas magaling ang dila ko sayo besh. And therefore, lahat na lang gusto magspeak in tongues. Lahat na lang best in gibberish oral para masabing, Favored ka ni Lord. Kaya ito yung chika pa ni Paul when he says that even if you can speak the language of angels, have faith that move mountains, and even give your body as a sacrifice if you do not have love that is patient and kind, it is worthless. Anong element of immaturity nito? Everything should be about you and your need for attention and validation and not really about loving God and loving others.

These things and other things happening in the Church of Corinth was making the head and the heart of Paul spin and hurt. Masakit sa ulo pag may mga acclang umaaktong hindi tama at naaapektuhan yung overall life and ministry of the church. And so Paul responding to all this SHITTINESS happening in the church of Corinth has so eloquently wrote one of the most beautiful explanation and definition of LOVE – Agape – an all embracing, all good, and certainly mature kind of live – God’s love. And Paul effectively says that to GROW UP and to put away childish things, is to LOVE by being patient and kind because to be patient and kind is to be considerate of others. To be patient is not to be impulsive and reactionary with anger and irritation expressed in foul language. To grow and mature as a follower of Jesus is not to put yourself above others no matter what you do or give to the church or to your relationship. To grow and mature in love is not to be selfish or self-seeking. To grow and mature spiritually does not mean to say that you think you are more spiritual simply because you speak in tongues and that your tongue is talented in many ways. That your spirituality and your value as human is something dependent and determined by your gifts. No. Paul says, everyone has gifts and all gifts are equally valuable in the body of Christ. To grow and mature is not to be envious, jealous or insecure of others and the truth is envy is also a fundamental human emotion, tama? But to mature in love, means to manage our envious impulses and not to be ruled by it.

Love does not celebrate wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. To mature in and through love does not celebrate and rejoice violence the corruption and violence of dictators and their daughters. Love and Maturity does not defend nor excuse a criminally charged religious leader and prevent him from defending himself in the proper courts. Christ himself face the Sanhedrin and Pilate. Peter and John also faced the Sanhedrin during Pentecost. Paul also appeared in a Roman Court to defend himself. All other early Christians were taken to court and many of them martyred. Tapos yung isang religious leader ayaw humarap sa korte.

For Paul adulting as a follower of Jesus Christ is to grow and mature in love that is patient and kind, not arrogant, selfish, irritable, and does not rejoice in what is wrong, impulsive, and false.

To mature is not necessarily about the success of your career, the numbers in your bank account, the number of subscribers you have or kung sino ang powerful na ka- rubbing shoulders mo or ka-selfie mo. To be an adult is to make the decision and the effort to love, care, and be considerate of others even when it is difficult to do so. To be spiritually mature is not to merely memorize bible verses, be the best in defending your doctrines and theologies, or to practice as many rituals as you can. To be spiritually mature is to manifest God’s radical love for others even to the extent of loving those who are different from you, loving the one’s you do not understand, or loving even those we might consider as enemies. What is your success if you’re without love and you live your life as a lonely, bitter, and toxic person? What value is it to God for you to know all doctrinal and biblical knowledge and practice all forms of devotions if you are without love and you do not concern yourself with the injustices of this world?

Now, I have spoken about this mostly from an individual context, drawing parallels from the church of Corinth and their individual issues they had that Paul had to address. But this is also true and even more true when we look at this from the context of our church, Open Table MCC. Open Table MCC will be celebrating its 18th year. Debut. A coming of age. Pagdadalaga. Bagong yugto. And we already had more than enough experiences of how ministry, when it is impulsive, self-serving and all about personal validation, becomes destructive. That was the story of the founding pastor of this church as it unraveled during the 2012 conflict. But it did not stop there, even after the 2012 conflict and when we were re-establishing what was then MCC Quezon City, we did not realize, that many of us and many new people are also doing ministry and volunteering sa church out of personal need for validation and importance, and not really for the love of God and neighbor. And paulit-ulit na naging problema from 2012 to 2019 and mga sexually impulsive na mga acclang hindi mapigilan ang sarili na hindi awrahan ang mga newbies. But this time around, I think as a church, we are really beginning to come to an age of maturing and adulting bilang napaso na tayo sa kagagahan ng ating nakaraan. Natuto na tayo. Alam na natin na hindi na pwedeng proket matalino, brilliant or pabibo agad-agad, sapat na para maglead or magserve. Natuto na tayo bilang simbahan that we value people here first and foremost because they are persons and not because they have resources, talents, or skills. That can come later na.

Natuto na tayo na while radicl and non-normative ang pagtingin natin sa sex and sa many forms of romantic relationships, hindi ibig sabihin nun na kahit ano at kahit sino pwedeng awrahan at magkemehan sa loob mismo ng simbahan ito. I would like to believe and also to testify today that Open Table MCC as a church, has matured in the kind of Love thart Paul was talking about. But we have to continue to mature and become adults in that same kind of love and not regress back or in the words of bord again, back slide in the immature and impulsive ways of the past.

And like any other adulting teenager, we have come to the point where we are now thinking and imagining what kind of future we want for ourselves as a church community. Isa yan sa mga iniisip ng mga teenager na nagtratrasition na talaga into adulting life… Ano bang gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko moving forward? Same with Open table as we come of age at 18… where do we want to go and how should we forge our future while being mindful of Paul’s immortal words about love as Agape in 1 Corinthians 13.

Isang magandang pamantayan sa buhay, pananampalataya, simbahan, at mga relasyon ang chika ni Paul sa 1 Corinthians 13, and I would extend it to chapter 12 and then chapter 14. Conceptually kasi, isang tuhog yung chapters 12, 13 and 14. 1 Corinthins 12, 13, and 14 interpreted properly is a good standard to assess and measure yourself, your relationships or relationships you are about to enter, organizations you wish to be part of, it is also a good measure and guide for doing ministry, advocacy, and activism whether you are Christian or not. I was watching this animation sa Netflish, the mysreries of Aaravos, and yung High Mage duon had this motto, “Everything I do, I do for my family and for my country. No matter how dangerous. No matter how vile.” And in that story, while the primary intention was good, the manner by which saving and protecting was evil. He used dark magic to destroy an entire civilization and doing so corrupted him and his people into becoming monsters. He also his daughter to become a dark sorcerer. The daughter wanting to save her father out of love parroted the same word, “save and resurrect my dad no matter how dangerous or how vile.” She was willing to release the greatest evil in the world to save her father. So whether the young man who took his father’s wife as his own or the daughter of viren wanting to save her father because she loved him very much, if that “love” is not patient and kind, if it is insistent and arrogant, and vile, then it not matured nor is it from God. The same with ministries, advocacies, and justice work – even if it is justice work – if it is without true love based on what is good and true, if it is willing to do something evil to achieve justice, then it is not only worthless, it is also corrupted. Yes. Kahit hindi Christian, you can appropriate Paul’s discourse on love and organizing sa ibang mga organizations and advocacies.

And in any phase of your life, whether you are graduating from college, turning 30, or like me starting life at 40, or others becoming golden at 50, or hopefully becoming wise at 60, we ask ourselves have we grown and are we continually growing in love:

Patient; kind; Not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. Does not insist on its own way; Not irritable. Does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. Hopes and endures.

Listen to what the Holy Spirit has spoken today through Paul as interpreted by Joseph May the words we have received, inspire us, comfort us, and challenge us. Amen.