#3 Lovestruck 2014: Of Disco and Discontent

Ours is a time of disco and a generation of discontent.

If by disco you mean O Bar, Bed bar, Che Lu, Government, etc. Then oo, ito ang panahon na iyon. Mga panahon na ang sangkabaklaan ay naghahanap ng aliw, ligaya, at kahit papaano’y pagmamahal.

Seldom do other people realize that beyond that joyful – and sometimes drunk – guy or girl in a bar is an individual in search of love. Pagmamahal. That, after a long night of booze, smoke, and dancing, is a longing heart that yearns for love. A heart that felt lacking in something, may kulang. A heart that is discontented.

When the world was young and beautiful (when the world was young and beautiful daw, oh!), I had always looked up at the buwan with matching heart-shaped eyes, and wished that the right person will come at the right place, at the right time, and for the right reason. Little did I know that the right person is someone of the same gender. My first try was a fail, it was heartbreak at its worst. I met him online (yes te, Friendster po) and that was the first time that someone noticed me. At syempre, kinilig, nanginig, at natuwa ang lahat ng parte ng aking katawan! Napakasarap ng pakiramdam na ikaw ay purihin at sabihang “gwapo” at “cute”. Ang tamis ng unang pag-ibig… na magiging, tulad ng sabi ni Tina Paner, ang tamis ng unang halik. When was your last kiss? When was your last hug? Yung mahigpit. Yung warm. Yung patatahanin ka sa paghikbi mong iyak. Nakaka miss no? Definitely. But the good thing about it is that it’s an action na pwedeng ibigay din ng iba. Something that can be given by someone else. Someone else more worthy than the last guy or girl who broke your heart. Tandaan mo yen!

Sabi nila, you need to allow destiny to work. Happiness is a choice. Life is a box of chocolate; you’ll never know what you’re gonna get. Bull sh*t. I say, “People who know what they want, who takes action to get it, and continues to do so, are usually the one who does achieve it.” What have you done to find your happiness? What actions have you done to find love? And to begin with, what are you looking for? Lucky for us, we have all three-stage guides in finding that true love. In finding a love that will bring us happiness, contentment, and peace of mind.

The concept of love cannot be separated from the concept of happiness. Ang pagmamahal ay laging kaakibat ng ligaya. So you have to find joy in your life as it is. You find meaning and purpose for your existence. Binuhay ka dahil may silbi ka – may dahilan. When you find your purpose, you discover fulfillment in everything that you do. You feel motivated, happy, and energetic. Nagkakaroon ka ng lakas upang patuloy na magbahagi ng pagmamahal. Ikaw ay nagkakaroon ng puwang upang tumanggap din ng pagmamahal mula sa iba.

Flashback: Government bar, Makati.  Circa 2006. Nineteen year old boy, kinakabahang pumasok sa bar. Manipis na usok, nakakaindak na kanta, tumatawang mga lalaki. Lahat halos masaya o nadadala sa saliw ng kanta. Nilapitan siya ng isa pang lalaki – gwapo, mestizo, matangkad. Ay, mukhang may pinag aralan! Nakipagkilala. At matapos ang ilang tequila shot, umuwi ang dalawa at nag siping. Kinabukasan, tinanong ang bata kung pwede siyang maka-date ng lalaking matipuno, makinis, at mabait. At ang kanyang sagot?

Hindi ko po sure.

So lesson one: KNOW THY PURPOSE, KNOW THY WANTS. A purpose not dictated by your parents, a purpose not instilled by your early group of friends, a purpose that you have found for yourself in your journey sa fez ng earth. A purpose that is significant. Basta tandaang maging open minded, matapang, at determinado sa paghahanap ng kahulugan sa iyong buhay, at ma-didiscover mo din yan, friend.

Let me tell you a story. Once, there was a boy who kept on looking for the perfect leaf – and so, he entered a forest where all the types of leaves, in all the big trees, with all the lovely flowers, exist. Pagpasok ng gubat, nakakita ng sobrang gandang dahon. Pinitas ito, at naglakad. Masayang hawak, napansin niyang ito’y nalanta at namatay agad. Naglakad ang lalaki at nakakita ng mas magandang dahon. Naglakad mag uli, at nakakita ng isa pang mas maganda. Binitawan ang hawak, at pinitas iyon.

Ngunit sa kanyang paglabas sa malawak ng kagubatan, wala siyang hawak. No leaf at hand, not even a small one. Hindi niya kasi alam ang kanyangtunay na hinahanap. At hindi siya nakuntento sa kung ano ang nakita na niya. I often tell my students that you need to know where you want to be to reach your destination. If you don’t know where to go, you would never know if you have already arrived. Paano ka nga naman makakapunta sa lugar na hindi mo alam?  At nakarating ka na sa destinasyon mo, bakit mo pa kailangang lumisan?

That brings us to our second lesson: COMMITMENT. Ay te, hindi ba contentment. WIT! Ang pagiging kontento ay isa lamang resulta ng iyong paninindigan. Commitment. Commitment is doing what you have promised to do, even if it’s not convenient, even if it’s difficult, even if it’s daunting. Tuluy tuloy ka lang. Like what the movie ‘meet the Robinsons’ shared, “Keep Moving Forward” ka lang. Commit to finding your true love.

Payo ko nga sa aking heartbroken protégé na handa ng mag Goodbye To Love: “anong pinagsasasabi mong wala ka nang makikitang mamahalin? Na isasara mo na yung puso mong yan? GAGA. Di ba nung bata ka kapag pinadrawing kayo ng bahay, ang dinodrawing mo yung kubo na nasa labas yung hagdan? Tapos sa tabi niya, puno. Sa kabila naman palayan na may mga tanim na letter “v”. Sa likod, may dalawang bundok. Sa gitna ng dalawang bundok ay papasikat na araw. At may mga lumilipad na ibon. Oh pareho pala tayo ng pinagdaanan eh. Kung nakapagmahal akong uli, makakapagmahal ka din uli!”

And so we wake up every morning… pray to the God known by many names, and constantly remind Him of our wish to find that perfect love. To find that love one in a club, a park, a soiree, or a chat room. After praying, we go on with our day and do the same things we did yesterday. And the day before that.

Ngunit sabi ni Einstein, kashungahan daw ang umasa ng ibang resulta habang ang ginagawa mo naman ay walang pinagkaiba. Stupidity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Ispel haggard.

Tunay nga naming kung ganon at ganon din ang peg mo, ganon at ganon din ang resulta mo. If you realize that what you are currently doing does not bring your love, happiness, and peace of mind, then Stop In The Name of Love na, darling!

Which brings us to the third step: TAKE ACTION, ACCEPT CHANGE. People are measured by results. No matter how long you studied, your test result is the score that will become your final grade. And the key to create results is acceptance to change and passion for growth. In building relationships kasi, both parties should grow. Hindi pwedeng isa lang ang masaya, isa lang ang natututo, isa lang ang nagbabago. Dapat pareho kayo. So dapat, ready ka diyan.

That nineteen year-old boy in the disco bar is now a man. He is a Certified Public Accountant, a college professor, and an investment consultant. He is the eldest in the brood of four, and a volunteer in their church. He is currently single. He learned his reasons for existence and is now committed to pursuing it. He dates, and finds joy with the things that he do. Hindi niya kailangang may magsabi sa kanyang “gwapo” o “cute” siya para sumaya siya. Sapat na ang mga ginagawa niya upang sumaya siya. And if that time comes that he is called to change his course in life and add another significant purpose in it, he shall accept and pursue that purpose passionately – single or not.

That boy was I. Single, happy, loved, and contented. Dahil natutunan kng mahalin ang sarili ko. Dahil natuto akong maging handa sa pagdating ni Mr. Perfect o sa paglisan niya. Remember, si Madonna 55 nung nakilala niya ang 22 years old na jowa. Si Tina Turner 75 nung nakilala ang boyfriend niyang 40. And Mariah Carrie is 44 while her husband is only 32 years old. Malay mo, ipapanganak pa lang ang taong nakalaan for you! Fetus pa itey.

So Go lang ng Go! Continuously find what your heart tells you… and if you are called to love or be loved by somebody else, if you need to change yourself to have a happier life, or if you need to make a crucial decision in your relationship, don’t be afraid to repeat the cycle if necessary. Find your new purpose in life, be passionately committed to it, and take action until you arrive at that day where you don’t even need to go to a disco, chat room, social gatherings, and parties just to find love and happiness; as once you finally found it, you will never feel discontented ever. Again.

 After all, nagdrowing din naman kayo ng bahay noong bata kayo di ba?

Akda ni Ceej Jimenez