#3 Lovestruck 2015: To be or Not to Be a Kerida

Love is all about finding that someone to share your happiness with. Most of the times, we consider finding that someone as a need, and not just a want. So we get up every morning, praying that this someone will cross our paths, and hoping that we will know when that time comes. That time when our Mr. or Ms. Right arrives. The same prayer is said before one sleeps, with a little pressure or challenge on God if he doesn’t answer ASAP. At the end of the day, we pray not only for our Mr. Right, but also for Mr. Right now.

Because of this longing for “right now”, most of us engage in instant gratification – we go ahead and plunge for that measly taste of pleasure the moment we see a tiny bit of it. We look for that chance, and take it without thinking.

This is what happened to me recently.

For almost a year now, I’ve known this guy. Let’s call him A. Introduced at work; I had always admired his good looks and sense of humor. I like his shiny smile, glowing skin, and decent attire. It was three months ago when we started dating. And I can say that I took the plunge and tagged him as my Mr. Right now.

Exchanges of sweet nothings and a couple more dinners later, I was ready to share the happiness that I am feeling towards Mr. A. I was ready to dive and take that plunge.

But, after I’m done with the salad and was getting ready for the main course, I learned a hard, cold fact. With an obvious hesitation on his face, he admitted that he’s in a one year relationship. After reveling on the sumptuous food, I marveled at the staying power of his relationship – which was the harder thing to chew than the meat in my mouth.

It wasn’t easy. It was torture wrapped in a poker face (I should really get a Best Actor award for this!). My face was filled with elation, my gestures with enthusiasm… but my heart, with disappointment, frustration, and loneliness. To keep my posture intact, I frequently smiled as I kept on asking how the relationship is going. He dropped hints of boredom with his guy (a one year NO-FIGHT relationship and park-walking every week is really boring). Until it dawned on me… I sensed he wanted to have a number 2.

Yes, the classic kirida, kabit, number two, mistress, relasyon persona. For a split second, I considered it, and wanted to give in. For split second, I wanted to prove my worth, and fight for this man who I learned to love. And honestly, I think that’s the same thought that I shared with all those people engaged in this relationship – of being number two.

Numbers twos (or N2s) are people who are willing to settle for the second best thing. It may be for a second best position, second best lifestyle, or second best person. In my case, it was the second best situation. This means that I am okay with being accommodated only when he has spare time for me, that I need to allow number one to always be the priority, and that I am willing to wait in joyful hope that he will, one day, know my worth and believe that I am the one destined to be number one.

But the thing is, I am worthy to be number one as I am. Right now, sitting in front of him, eating my dinner. I know my worth, and I should stand firm on it. If one can only offer half of the love that I am ready to give, then it is obviously a lose-lose situation for me.

So yes, for that split second I lost my worth. For that split second, I considered myself second best. And sadly, for that split second, I thought that he’s the only person who will love me as me. But the truth is, he’s not. If he can date someone while he’s in a relationship with another, he can do it if and when he will be in a relationship with ME. He was not worth fighting for at all.

I went home lonely, but dignified. I went home with the weakness of my heart, but with the strength of my soul. I went home not as someone who was incomplete, but someone who has never felt more complete in his entire life.

This was the feeling after saying “Goodbye”, to Mr. A… leaving him to enjoy his dessert alone.

So before you can give, you have to have something for yourself. You can only be so generous with something that you have in abundance. Know your worth, and make sure that you don’t settle as an option – because you’re not. You are not a stop over along the way, you should be the destination.

In the end, it will still be up to you… to just be a second, third, or fourth option? Your call.

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